Overly accommodating relationships

In middle school, I used to jokingly refer to my best friend’s older sister as The Shapeshifter.She seemed to have zero autonomous personality, but rather adopted, drastically and transparently, the personalities of the various guys she dated.At first Michael is very flattered by all of his crap jokes being laughed at, him encouraging his bad behaviour, and even the weird ‘mirroring’ but over time he starts to become uneasy and even takes to avoiding him.After this guy accomplishes his mission, somebody else explains to Michael that this guy doesn’t actually like him and has been sucking up to him the entire time.People who swing from one extreme to the other, from being pleasant and charming one moment to being angry and defiant the next often lack emotional resilience and autonomy.They tend to fuse emotionally both positively and negatively to others, behaving wonderfully when they feel good, and blaming everyone around them when things are not going their way.

Then, whatever happens we will have no regrets.” ~Dalai Lama I finally decided that I would call my friend. This was the third time she had flaked on me this week, and it always ended with me calling her to find out what had happened.When she started dating the musician, she wore ripped concert T-shirts and cutoffs and bought a record player from Urban Outfitters (sans records).When she moved to California and began dating the surfer, she got the requisite spray tan and highlights and started carrying around a skateboard like a purse.The emotional merging together of two people often results in excessive attachment, manipulation, and reactivity.When two people are emotionally fused, there is insufficient emotional separation for either person to maintain a grounded and empowered sense of self.

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